Mr. Smart Guy

A female friend once asked me if I ever brought ‘props’ into the bedroom. Props? I said, confused. Yeah, she said. Ties, handcuffs, that sort of thing. 

To answer your question out loud in a restaurant (since evidently you think it’s okay to talk about this kind of thing out loud in a restaurant), no, never. How very unromantic. 

I have, however, bought horned-rimmed reading glasses from the dollar store for a boyfriend with twenty-twenty vision and made him wear them in bed. So I guess I’m a fetishist, too, just of a different ilk. 

I’ve always had a thing for guys with glasses. Pictured above is one of two stock photo models I fell madly in love with while writing Why I Held Your Hand. If you’ve read the book, you know exactly which character he is. God, what a smart guy. If you think he looks hot here, you should see him reading Volume III of Edmund Morris’ Teddy Roosevelt biography. 

He looks pretty hot without his glasses, too. Below we see him wearing his contacts and explaining some algebra/alt. announcing the birth of Elon Musk’s second baby:

Yeah, yeah, I know, going onto Shutterstock.com and looking up ‘hot guy standing in front of equation’ is about ten different kinds of dork. And I know what you’re thinking. Most smart guys don’t look like this. Technically you are correct, but this is my fantasy, not yours, and if you don’t like it, go find yourself your own stock photo model to love. I wasn’t going to share mine with you anyway. 

And besides, his looks are not the point. The point is that it’s his brains that make a guy sexy, not his face or body. The good news is that there’s a wide variety of smart-guy brains to choose from. In 1983, American psychologist Howard Gardener identified nine different types of intelligence: 

My two favorite types of intelligence in a man are 1) logical/mathematical and 2) interpersonal. The reason for the first is an opposites-attract thing. As someone who is known to do things like leave her eyeglasses in the milk and whose left shoulder is perpetually sore because she can’t navigate a three-foot wide doorway even though she’s had a lifetime to perfect her technique, I find logic and common sense to be excellent opposites to my total lack of both. 

The second, interpersonal, is a complement to the first. If a man is intellectually logical but interpersonally stupid, he’s basically Mr. Book Smart. You never, ever want to go out with him ever, unless you’re the type of woman who is turned on by a man who likens sex to mining for iron ore (obviously there’s a story there, you can thank me for not sharing it with you in the message box below). 

Interpersonal intelligence is a fancy way of saying not a jerk. Basically it means the ability to sense other people’s feelings and interact with them effectively. Mother Theresa and Aristotle are two commonly cited examples of interpersonal intelligence, and while I admit that I’ve never found either of them to be particularly sexy, it’s probably just because they didn’t wear glasses. 

To sum up, logical and interpersonal intelligence is where nice and smart intersect to create the sexiest guy in the universe. Appearance doesn’t matter. The glasses are just a prop for perverts like me, and really the only reason I even wrote this post is to let all my sisters and brothers in dork-lust know that you can buy sex paraphernalia at the dollar store.